I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
