I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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