You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
