I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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