I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
