He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
