you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
