She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
