Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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