He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
