and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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