grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
