i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
