If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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