I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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