I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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