This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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