Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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