We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
