Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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