I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
