Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
