I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Lo siento on account of my penis...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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