How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
