I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
