Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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