I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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