Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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