I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
