i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
