over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
