i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
