Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
