you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
