Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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