I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
