I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
They have beer where we have blood.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
