North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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