belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
