I don't remember. Are we still dating?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
