im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
