My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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