party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
