I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
