I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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