Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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