I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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