apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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