I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
