I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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