He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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