Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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