your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
