i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
