do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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