no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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